Angel responsible for America gives Biannual Report to God
Report by Seglende Schnoopenaur, (Angel assigned to America)
April 15, 2006 CE
By Billy Bob Poteet (Independent Press Correspondent, White House)
(Note: All Heavenly biannual reports are routinely recorded on Swiss organic nano-particle organic bio-chips about the size of the head of a pin. This chip was probably taken from the modest suite of Sister Seglende at the Hay-Adams, Washington DC, after her return hours before, from Heaven. This report was almost certainly acquired by nefarious means and is published by this periodical only in the interest of the people. We at the Washington Sun/Star in no way condone such activities) Ed.

WASHINGTON DC – This reporter occasionally takes lunch at the Hay-Adams when dining with a source employed by the administration, (how else could I afford a $90.00 grilled cheese and a glass of water). After listening to 20 minutes on why Iraq was an overwhelming danger to our shores and a wonderful military success demonstrating the true military genius of both Donald Rumsfeld and our President I excused myself and paid $5 to use the men’s room. Upon exiting the men’s room another source who works as room service at the ‘Hay’ got my attention and allowed that she had something worth $1000.00. This is common in DC so I agreed to the sum and was given a table napkin with a little black dot folded within. I thanked my government source with the promise that I would write an article supporting the Administration’s absolute necessity to enter Iraq prior to that country’s imminent invasion of the US East Coast. This reporter never intended to write such drivel but you haven’t had a grilled cheese until you have one of those $90 babies from the ‘Hay’. The Star’s technology department with the help of a brother-in-law who works nights over at the NSA, got the following dialog from the advanced recording device hitherto unknown to man.

God’s secretary informs Sister Seglende of the Coptic Church that she is next and she enters God’s office. There is a strait back chair facing God’s rosewood executive desk. God is reposed in a Swedish built ergonomic leather executive chair behind reams of files so that God has to peer between two four foot high stacks.
Sister Seglende, of the Coptic Church, waits uncomfortably as God finishes making furious notes; the Angle for Saudi Arabia has immediately preceded Sister Seglende. God is frowning and mumbling.
God looks up and says,
G. “Begin.”
S. “Well Tom DeLay will probably have to resign.”
G. “And who is Tom ReLay?”
S. “Uh, that’s Tom DE-LAY” anyway, he got caught again and this time the party will abandon him”
G. :Party? What is that?”
S. “Uh political party, the one you appointed to run America.”
G. “I appointed, you say?”
S. “Yes, at least that’s what they say, often, actually.”
G. “Interesting, go on.”
S. “Your spokesman, Pat Robertson wants to kill somebody else, well, (hesitation) he says you are actually going to do the killing because the man is Jewish and has not accepted Jesus as his personal savior.”
G. “Hummmm Go on.”
S. “There is the usual stuff about America being a Christian nation built on Christian principles.”
G. “Is that it?
S. “That’s about it. Are there any instructions?”
G. :”Yes. #1. Find this Pat Robertson woman and tell her that I don’t know her and she definitely does NOT speak for me and she will cease and desist from making unauthorized pronouncements of any kind in my name. Remind her that she has already earned an excruciatingly long stay in a place we have that makes their childish fantasy of hell seem like a visit to that really good resort in Fiji for some very painful experiences she will long remember. #2. This America, being built on Christian principles stuff, whatever that nonsense is supposed to mean; find out who is spreading this rumor and make them a reservation right next to that Pat Robinson woman. Also find out what retard came up with that? Anyway, you will lend no support to this ridiculous claim in any way. We do not get involved in the pathetic human machinations of my worst ever invention; I Rue the day. We didn’t do it for the Mesopotamians and all that favored people business and We are definitely not going to begin with this upstart religion and its egocentric claims. And 3. Find out why that retard is still in that big white house those American people revere so much. Now, should I kill this ReLay guy or just leave it to them? Any questions?”
S “No Mam!”
G “Thank you. You’re excused.”

Literary credit in homage to the late and lamented Lewis Grizzard for the inspiration and to Sister Seglende for leaving her personal belongings lying about unprotected in her modest hotel suite.
BB Poteet