"When fascism comes to America,

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag, carrying a cross." --Sinclair Lewis (1935)

“At least, They stands by they beliefs”

We have all heard this profound statement especially when it is directed at some individual (normally a politician or a preacher) proven to be either grossly incompetent or consumed with cupidity, (I thought cupidity more appropriate than avarice, your choice).
For sooth now comes my overwhelming urge to share, you guessed it, my beliefs!

I do this because may colossally stupid deeds and statements are regularly excused by the faithful and I’m gonna get my approval for my beliefs before the Party of God is done went n put right out of office. Therefore:

1. I believe that George Washing was WRONG when he done went n told the A-Mur-A-Kin people not to adopt a two party system, ya know, like the one we done went n adopted.
2. I believe the world is only 5993 years of age, give or take a few months, jest like it says in the inerrant word a God. Why? Because Genesis 5:3-32 don’t be a leavin any gaps between “creation” and the flood which “happened exactly 1656 years later. So, put that in yo liberal pipe and smoke it!
3. I believe that if you are lying all ya gots ta do is repeat yur lie enough times and it becomes the truth.
4. I believe Dubya was appointed by God ta be tha "War President" jest kike he said and our leeder for life. Kinda like God done for that thar Idi Amin feller what used ta tell his future by reading the entrails of his enemy after Idi done went n opened the feller’s stomach wif his machete.
5. I believe that the war hero Donny Rumsfeld is not only a war hero but is a military geneuise, uh, geniues, uh, geenues, uh smart feller
6. I believe that Dobson, Robinson, Falwell and Ernest Angsley are directly appointed spokesmens for God even though she keeps sayin she never heard of em.
7. I believe A-Mur-Ik-A is built up up on Christian principals (I bet it’s heavy for them fellers) and not those lies the Founding Fathers done went n told ta folks. Expically since Jesus didn’t make it to Heaven and ended up in the USA so’es he could invent Joseph Smith and that angel feller Moroni (pronounced (Morone-eye) could find the two lost tribes if Israel, then let them piss him off soes he could demonstrate his tolerance for minorities by turning the tribes into Native Americans. Prejudice? Well I never!
8. I believe that a Chevy is better n a Mursedees, un Merrsaidees, Mur, oh what the Hell with it, that really good German car what evabody what drives a Chevy really wants.
9. I believe that the Republikans is really the “Party of Lincoln” jest like we say even though we went n abandoned Lincoln during his first term, (he was one of them reformers, ya know) forcing him to run for his second term against the Republican candidate and Party as the Union Party candidate. We thimk it jest sounds better for us to overlook that little bit of actual (liberal) history!

Them’s my beliefs and, as we say, I’m stickin to em!

Now, where’s my credit?