The Santa Time Line will not be posted but may be available upon request. This decision is based solely upon the very good possibility of the infliction of physical pain from my better half, should I persist.

An Epiphany on Santa Klaus (or, "Claus", if you’re American and challenged by languages other then your own version of proper English).

No relation to the Twelve Days of Christmas is implied but the posting will occur over twelve days, in twelve segments but all before the official, established by committee, birthday of the Christian Man/God Jesus of Nazareth. This report is confidential and published without the approval of the C I A !

This preliminary report is submitted to the ONSA, as requested. Recommendation is based solely upon the information herein.

Special Report by the Office of Research, Background Unit, Central Intelligence Agency,

Washington DC., 20505

TO: Office of National Security Advisor

From: Office of Deputy Director for Intelligence, Research Unit

December 1, 2006

This preliminary report is submitted to the ONSA, as requested. Recommendation is based solely upon the information herein.

Recommendation: That any claimed close association between the current Administration and the Subject be discouraged. It is the recommendation of the Research Team that while such a claim might appear attractive, for political reasons in times of stress caused by a momentary bout of reality, such association, should this information become public knowledge, would not benefit the Administration at this time. The questionable behavior by the ancestry of Santa Klaus could be embarrassing even to this Administration should it claim a close relationship and political endorsement.

No particular criticism is directed toward the few remaining supporters of the administration considering their history of denial of reality; the problem would become a concern with the general population’s unwillingness to believe a political endorsement from a non-existent person.

Summation:

1691

The verifiable history of the subject, Santa Klaus, real name Friederick, (Juan Santa-Fulgerus- name assigned by the bride’s family), Klaus Schickelgrueber, dates to 1691 when his forbearer, an able bodied seaman named Alois Klaus Schickelgrueber, with a Dutch mother, Gabrellie and German father Alois deserted his post aboard the Kaiser’s Ship, Blaue Wasser as it lay off shore in Buenos Aries in February of that year. Alois met and common-law wed, the very impressionable Maria Antonia Santa-Fulgerus-Schaad, much to the disappointment of her well to do family. The result of this union produced a male child named Alois Klaus Santa-Schickelgrueber, born December 25, 1692. Little is known of the young Santa, so called by his mother’s family, Klaus so called by his father, until he appears in Oslo, well into his 31^st year about the time the German born (in what today is Poland’s Gdansk) Gabriel Fahrenheit, invented the mercury thermometer. Unfortunately, young Klaus having answered an advertisement for paid, unskilled expedition workers had… unfortunately, absolutely nothing to do with this amazing invention).

Segment # 2 to follow.